2. Jerseylicious

Premise: a salon in New Jersey filled with, surprisingly, stereotypical Jersey people. It's a mother/daughter ownership thing, so it is also fulfills the generational stereotype. Well done, Style TV.

Actual premise: in an attempt to piggyback the Jersey Shore phenomenon (which I never watched, although that could change for rerun purposes) Style brings us caricatures of people, I mean actual guidos and guidettes (is that a word?) who have added "hair maintenance" to their short list of important things to do.

This episode: I meant to actually copy down the Time Warner (plug!) description, but I forgot.

So, here's what happens: mother/daughter are having interviews for new positions created by the renovations. There is a constant referencing to "the chair." Daughter likes young people. Mother likes older people. It's shocking. Also shocking, the only people who get one-on-one time with the camera end up being the ones hired. Never saw it coming.

I don't know anyone's names so good luck with this. All I know is there is a chubby girl who desperately wants to marry her guido boyfriend. My reaction to the boyfried, verbatim: "That has to be a hired actor. That is so over the top there is no way he is real. It can't be. They had to hire somebody. He's a total fucking douche."

There's some make-up girl who looks like she sleeps in a tanning bed. There's some Amazonian girl who has to have like 5 bump-its in her hair. They are enemies, for reasons that aren't actually explained. Amazon chick, " We've been like this for, like, a long time. It goes way back." Thank you for your insight. Also, Amazon woman is dating Tanning Bed's ex-boyfriend, who, of course, had a bandanna in tow. Awesome.

What else? Oh, prospective hire who was obviously not going to be hired because she got no face time, had to have been a direct homage to Fran Dreschner and that movie Beautician and the Beast. Had to be. If it wasn't, then Fran should sue for plagerism. And, yes, I was able to remember one of her movies. Go to hell.

Most importantly, there's an egomaniac make-up chick who calls herself The Glam Fairy. I'm thinking she's a tranny, because look at that name. Seriously. Also, she's constantly wearing things in an attempt to have cleavage, but her tits get pushed around in weird directions; it's both fascinating and terrifying to realize tits can look like that. Plus, they are so awkward, even your girlfriend won't be too upset at you for looking. It can become a conversational piece.

Important notes to keep track of: Tanning Bed is always late. Amazon probably slept with her teachers in high school. Mom and Daughter have no spines. There's a bald dude who says he's married with a kid and owns another salon which is "under renovation," so he got hired, too. Chubby Chick's only goal in life is to get married. There is animal print everyfuckingwhere.

Why this is proof of the decline of human culture: see above.