3. Jerseylicious (again)

Episode according to Time Warner: "Pain is Beauty"--The stylists settle into their new home, but the clash of personalities leads to tension on the job.

What actually happens: Tanning Bed and Amazon continue their rivalry based on their apparently murky past. Also, Amazon's Bandana Boyfriend who is Tanning Bed's ex gets more face time, inlcuding recalling a story about how he got caught cheating by Tanning Bed and she is the psycho. Glam Fairy's ego continues to astound me. I have no idea what she's babbling about. She is against marriage; this is obviously because she's a tranny and it is illegal. "I will not have my credentials, my talent, questioned, so get out." This from Glam Tranny because a customer asked what kind of brush she used. This is amazing. Who the fuck can be this narcissistic about make-up?

Oh, Chubby Girl and her hired actor boyfriend get into a kerfuffle because he's jealous. Also, they met at Dunkin' Donuts at 3am, and he made fun of her because of her bejeweled license plate cover thing. Ah, love. His hair is plastic. For real.

Only about 15 minutes left, so I'm thinking the next drama should be ocurring. And, I'm right. Pedicures were ordered, and the pedicurist (I have no idea what the fucking word is, so shut up) is not working. Alas. Amazon has been asked to do them. She's not a fan of feet. But she is a fan of douchebags in bandanas. She's refusing to do the pedicure: "I wanted her to know I'm doing a sacrifice for her." Painting toenails = grand gesture. I will keep this in mind. Now Amazon has decided she's a superhero.

Tanning Bed is stepping it up apparently. Mom/Daughter are fans.

Oh, Bald Dude update: all the ladies in this bachlorette party want him to party with them. He's so pimp. Nothing says sexy like a short bald guy cutting hair.

Oh, oh more Tanning Bed and Amazon drama. "Outside of the store, that girl better watch her back." She's tough because Bandana Douche feeds her steriods on the side.

There is so much fucking animal print. My brain can't comprehend this. "When it comes to decorating with animal prints, there are definitely rules to follow." I can't handle much more. This apartment, like Hired Boyfriend, cannot be real.

Hot conclusion: "The new staff really pulled together." That means the next episode, shit is going to hit the fan.

Why this is proof humanity is ending: These people can't be real, and the phrase Glam Fairy. Seriously.