4. Jerseylicious, back to back

It's an all new episode, and I don't even want to look up the episode description. It should just say, "Morons, all of them, and then, unsurprisingly, moronic shit happens."

They are going to make a commercial. Mom's former husband (I guess the dude died, probably a smart move on his part. Burn. Too soon? Too soon?) was apparently a famous infomercial superstar so making a commercial is a big deal or something retarded like that. Random quote: "God forbid, if you went too far, you could cut off the breast." Then laugh.

Plastic Hair and Chubby are fighting, again, because she asked Bald Dude advice on how to make Plastic Hair more romantic. Hired Actor then got jealous because you have to "protect what's yours" or something like that. Get some. Oh snap, she just stole his phone. I think he's wearing pleather. I actually can't look at him. It's like a moving wax statue. It totally creeps me out.

Glam Tranny's tits are moving in weird directions. She should not wear those kind of shirts. Actually, there's so much cleavage going on right now it's rather stiking, but I can't seem to take my eyes off the six million bump-its being used. "Look at this hair, this is 80s hair." Amazon is proud of this. The commercial is apparently going to be something about different decades. I'm not really paying attention.

Club time. Amazon versus Tanning Bed. Sample burn from Amazon: "Your three bras are really hitting me in the face." Please explain. Thanks. It's nice of the producers to suggest these women go to the same club. I mean, what were the odds that this confrontation would take place?

Random personal interjection about nothing going on in the show, really: mustaches will always be awesome. Thanks Total Transformation dude.

And we're back. Glam Tranny: "None of the other Glam Fairies are free." It's a club! She's apparently giving Tanning Bed a chance to prove herself. It's so nice of her to work with these peons. We should all applaud her. I think I'm going to become really egotistical about my ability to tie shoes. I'm so awesome at it. My knots are boss, yo.

Nasal voices are almost as prominent as animal print.

"Like American Idol auditons? People make fools of themselves on there. I hope I don't look like a fool," says Chubby, who is dating a wax statue caricature of a human and expects him to be romantic when she actually rewards him for saying "please" which we all know is tough, she's worried about looking like a fool.

Tanning Bed vs. Amazon, version commercial star.

Glam Tranny manages to be egomaniacal about auditioning for the commercial. I'd try to capture this, but I'm working on my ability to develop a Glam Tranny filter. I'll start selling them on craigslist once the technology is finalized.

Another interjection: according to this commercial, women know they are wearing the right bra when they smile brighter. I did not know that was connected, but awesome. I now know smiling chicks are happy with their bra. Also, Nicholas Sparks should be sentenced to death in a Yugo.

Commercial Star Role goes to, Tanning Bed. Amazon is devestated. I mean angry. I mean bump-it. I mean jealous. I mean, I give up. Amazon responds by rambling about having morals and class or something along those lines. What this has to do with a commercial, I don't know.

Chubby and Wax Statue are taking a trip. This, I'm sure, will end awesomely.

Glam Tranny is dressed as Marilyn Monroe, a popular choice for drag queens everywhere. And she complains about having only one line. Compares herself to a gorilla.

Tanning Bed keeps showing off her vagina while shooting the commercial. HBO get on this shit.

And now Tanning Bed is stressing over working with Glam Tranny on some bizarre photo shoot designed to trash a wedding dress. She is, of course, late. "When you start to work for me as a Glam Fairy, you start at the bottom of the glitter barrel." And, another, "I really thought she would think WWAD, what would Alexas do?" So, in case you were curious, Glam Tranny = Jesus. Oh no! Children touching make-up! The world is ending! Exclamation points everywhere. Glam Tranny just said Virginia Fluffyfoot. VF = maternal, in case you were wondering.

Chubby and Wax Statue on a road trip. Fighting over destination. Driving in circles. Staring at cars. Chubby is unhappy with the cars. More pleather is being worn. Chubby confronts Captain Plastic in front of other men; shit is going down yo.

Chubby's boots go up to her waist. I think she's going fishing. Wax Statue planned the vacation around buying a motorcycle. Chubby is trippin' balls.

"If you wanna be a Fairy, I say it, and I say it once." Thanks, Glam Tranny.

I'm coming to the conclusion Tanning Bed has no self-awareness. May possibly be accidentally zenned out of her mind. Or a total moron.

And Wax Statue saves the day with some bed and breakfast or hotel thing or something. Chubby is going to get her romantic freak on.

Commercial Preview: I'm pretty sure this was made in 1997. Or maybe earlier.

Great quote of the show: "I'm way too exagerative." I have no idea how to even attempt to spell that. I kind of want to kill myself.